Current marital statistics show that two thirds of all divorces are initiated by wives. Typically, these women say that they are no longer happy in their marriage. On the other hand, the majority of husbands are willing to continue plodding along trying to make things better and don’t want to get divorced. These men are frustrated because it feels increasingly like they can’t please their wives.
They will say things like “in the first few years, she really dug me and we did a lot of things together and got along really well, but as the years have gone by, she seems more and more unhappy with me and I’m getting discouraged because I don’t know how to change this pattern.” In addition, they say things like, “I really love my wife, but it seems like no matter what I do for her, she is unhappy – in fact, I have done something dramatic like taking her to Hawaii and she still isn’t happy and in fact will be angry that I took her there and says things like “that was just a guilt offering on your part!"
“I understand that the saying, “happy wife, happy life” exists in many cultures and languages. I really would like my wife to be happy, but I want to feel masculine, respected and appreciated in the process.”
After doing marriage counseling with thousands of couples for over 50 years and seeing this pattern repeatedly, I have become convinced that men can make their wives happy without becoming a “wus” or being “feminized.” In fact, those are the very last things their wives want for them.
I’ve discovered that I’ve been able to talk with men and help them transform their marriage by simply understanding what is going on with their wives emotionally and make some changes in how they deal with their wife's emotional needs.Men often feel like their wives are exagerating or distorting reality and that's a major reason they get so upset.They try to "calm her down" by pointing out that she wouldn't get so upset if she would focus on facts.Over the years, I have asked hundreds of men how many times they have been able to "calm down their wives when they are emotionally upset? The answer is always the same...Never!
Men are very much into feeling competent. If I ask a man to rate himself between 0 and 10 in his profession or favorite outdoor sport, he will typically give me a 9 or 10, but the same man when asked to score himself as a husband will give me a 5 or 6, while looking at the floor. He will also typically say that "nothing is more important to him than his wife and family."
Men, I am here to tell you that most wives want you to be a success as a husband as much as you do, but they don't know how to "get on your wavelength and help you be a 10." The good news is that after being married over 50 years and counseling thousands of couples over 50 years, I am confident that I can get on a woman's wavelenth give you effective private coaching in this area.
Give me a call and let's see how I can help!